How to Deal With a Season of “No.”

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

There are times in our lives when it seems like every door is open and all the lights are green. What a great feeling, we are on cloud nine, receiving all the gifts we could ever want.

However, more often than not there are a lot of closed doors, closed windows, red lights, no lights, or even yield signs.

In that season of “no” we can feel defeated, upset, lost, and angry. We know our worth, but getting a “no” somehow negates all the worthiness we hold. It shouldn’t be, but many times it does send a shockwave to our core. As a content writer, and millennial, I get a lot of “no” my way.

Now this isn’t meant to be a complaint, if anything I want this post to be about how to overcome adversity, in the face of the great monster we call “no”, in a positive and gracious manner.

The word “no” tends to shut down action, ideas, feelings, and creativity. “No” should not be a mantra we know. We should know how to help others and always encourage the word “yes” or try to at least make it a possibility.

Fostering the notion of “yes”, helps grow us as a community and a society for the better. Personally, I am someone who doesn’t like to say “no” especially when someone needs my help or needs something to help them get where they need to be. I want to be that vehicle to a yes, not for glory, or praise but just because I know that everything is meant to be. I want to create balance in a world full of “no”.

My intention during the season of “no” isn’t to see it as a negative, but more as a lesson and a beginning to “know”.

To “know” that the right doors will open when it’s their time, when my life needs it, when I’m good and ready. Even though the word “no” can hurt my feelings and negate all my hard work. At the end of the day it’s not about me. It’s about the greater wheel of motion, the flux and flow.

When I get a “no”, sometimes I’ll throw a pity party, especially if it was something that was really important to me, I stuck my neck out, and tried really hard but I still got a negative answer.

This is when I have to change my season of “no” to a season of “know”.

So I get a little mad for a minute, pull up my bootstraps and learn a new skill for myself, or I go out with a friend for coffee to get their perspective on the matter. Sometimes the answer really is “not now” and that’s just as reasonable of an answer.

The doors will eventually open with hard work, compassion and willingness for growth. I want to be proud of myself in the face of “no”, to handle it graciously and with dignity.

I’m always growing and changing, sometimes I get growth spurts and other times I’m in the dead of winter. However, that doesn’t mean I’m not constantly changing and evolving. Winter means preparation for spring, summer and fall. Winter is my time to stoke the embers and plan for my intentional growth come spring.

Most times I have to reroute my course and move onto the next thing. Seeing “no” as a stepping stone to the next “yes”, or even 100 “yes’s”.

When I get a “no” my course of action is to…

1. Meditate on the situation

Photo by Sam Austin on Unsplash

Meditation is a lifesaver for me. Sometimes clearing out all my thoughts helps bring me to a positive mindset. Releasing anger and judgement helps my body feel less pain both mentally and physically. There is a quote once said, “resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die”. Holding onto my resentment only hurts me. They said “no”, I pause, and then make time for another task at hand. It’s not about me. I’m not ignoring the hurt or the pain, but rather acknowledging it and moving forward knowing that these things are not meant for me at this time.

2. Journal

Journaling often gets my feelings out on paper, it lets me say whatever I need to say in order to move on. Moving on takes time, but this is a good step to removing any negative thoughts and moving them in a place only sacred for me. I’m a huge advocate for journaling and I have found it helps me find a place for my voice, a space for me to reflect back on later.

3. Vent my feelings to my support team

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Sometimes it’s good to have a laugh about the situation with friends and family. They always seem to know how to say the right thing. Their removal from the closeness of the situation often helps to regain my thoughts and perspective on the “no” answer. My friends are kind when I get upset about something I care about, and they support me to feel these pains, but don’t allow the pity party to continue. They keep me accountable for my thoughts and feelings and help me move along.

4. Re-plan my plan

So if the plan goes sideways we just recalculate our GPS and move around the traffic. This helps pivot to a new plan and new expectations of ourselves. I like to plan, even at least a little bit, so that I feel like I know where I’m supposed to be headed towards. Learn a new skill that helps give you another piece of the puzzle, you can’t fault taking the time to learn something that will make you more effective in the future.

5. Pamper myself

Sometimes we need to treat ourselves when we feel bad about situations. Taking a nice bath with all your favourites like a good book, candles, some epsom salts, and some essential oils helps change our mindset from upset to optimistic. Even go for a walk on a local trail to see nature and reconnect. Romance yourself, fall in love with your body all over again, cook your favourite meal and eat by candlelight, play video games, do yoga, paint a picture, go to bed early and wake up with a new perspective the next day. We must always take care of ourselves first and foremost. Having the intention to take care of our mental and physical health is paramount. The ultimate goal of this is to feel better!

6. Move on to better things and keep trying

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Sometimes this can seem like a hard step, but moving on helps open the future door or doors. If we constantly stay in the past and regret that we didn’t get that promotion or that opportunity it robs us of our current opportunities. Never stop trying, in a world of “no” there will always be a “yes” waiting for us. Everything happens in the right time. We just have to be resilient to the “no” to accept the “yes”! Just know that you are worthy of doors opening and new opportunities.

I hope this helps!

Let me know what you think and how you cope with the word “no”.

Follow me @WellnessWonderWoman for more.

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